We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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