she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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