I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
