check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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