we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
