I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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