I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
