if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
