You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
