i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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