Screwed.edu
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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