Don't make out with my wife yet
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
