my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i think i just lost a toe
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
