Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
