so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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