I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
