her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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