too bad you live with your parents still
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
