Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
