god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
