How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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