google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He has the fingertips of a God
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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