I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
