I CAN MOONWALK!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
