Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
