She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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