I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
