he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I will be naked everywhere
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
