i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
