Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
