I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
