I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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