Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
