I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
