its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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