I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't put those talents on a resume
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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