I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
