"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
