My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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