I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
