Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
