My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
