final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
