Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
