Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
