i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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