I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
