Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
