Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
