You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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